Being kept in suspense

Being kept in suspense. In English it sounds quite appealing to me. It sounds like an invitation to wait for a great plot, for something even more spectacular to come. Especially when you are watching a movie or some series (as we all seem to do these days).

Whereas in Dutch (aan het lijntje gehouden worden, literally: being kept on the line) the idea doesn’t sound appealing at all, at least to me. When your friends mention that they have the feeling that they are being kept in suspense, most of us would probably advise them to take a look the facts and decide what to do about it.

The last couple of days Jim has helped to do the same.

Right now I have a great opportunity to be involved in an interesting project. However, the starting date keeps being postponed, while there is no sign that the deadline for the work will be postponed accordingly. So time is running out to do be able to do a good job. Meanwhile, promises are made, of field visits, interesting meetings, and of course there is a salary to earn.

So here I am wondering what to do in these times of uncertainty.

Do I dare, as my gut feeling says, withdraw and feel the space again to take up other assignments which I currently hold off and do not actively look for?

Do I dare to say no to those offering me the job, and accept the consequence that they might never want to work with me again?

Do I dare to take this step?

And how long should I wait?

In the last couple of days I’ve read a number of interesting blogs discussing similar situations. I was, as it were, looking for the answer on the internet. Seeking for justification and support for my decision to withdraw. Looking for guidelines, norms what to do in a situation like this.

There are some great lines that offer support, such as the old sailor quote, “You gain most in moments of uncertainty”. Or “Work with people you like” – “Follow your passion” – “Trust your instincts”.

Meanwhile, I’m still struggling with my loyalty, my patience is being tested, and that’s all making it more and more difficult to decide what to do. Because after waiting for so long, I certainly secretly hope something will happen which will solve it all. And all the advice available on internet maybe only confuses me more.

But there is a moment that a decision will need to be taken. Especially when I hear myself talking about it over and over again, when I realise that I don’t want to plan anything, because I need to prepared at all times to start and possibly travel. And, ultimately, the best advisor is your own self. You’re the only one who can decide which way to go. So, in that case, the best advice to follow is the advice I would give a good friend.

While still trying to be loyal, and giving the others time to find someone else, just before finalising this blog I have sent a message that I will withdraw. And now, it is time to wait. To see whether it was the correct decision, or not. Personally, I already feel relieved, ready to open up to the new things that will cross my path. Professionally though, I still have that nagging fear, that maybe I’ve ruined my chances and will never have such an opportunity again.

Tagged as: Amsterdam